nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
