In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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