Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
