i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
