im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
