What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
