Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
