What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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