i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
