In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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