that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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