I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
