Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
