Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
