Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
