Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
