no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
