Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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