I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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