just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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