Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
