i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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