Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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