So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
