what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
