The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
