My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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