The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
