i barfeds in our rink
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
