I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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