took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
