yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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