Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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