Christians are straight up FREAKS
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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