please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
