Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
