I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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