You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
