Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
