Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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