I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
