I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
