booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
