No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
