you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
