Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
