guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My penis needs a shock collar
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
