I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
