I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
