My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
