Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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